CHINA - Adoption Journey

Here They Come!

Lutheran Social Services of New England's own Jackie Felix, Adoption Program Manager for our New Hampshire office, traveled to China in January 2005 along with three adoptive families. Here Jackie opens the curtain to the intimate and exciting moments when babies and parents finally meet.

This was the moment for which we had all been waiting. In came "our" three babies – first Phoebe, held by an official from the Changsha No. 1 Social Welfare Institute; next Jaelyn and last, Larkin, carried in by her foster mother. The room at the Changsha Civil Affairs Office was full, loud and chaotic, but we were oblivious to all but those three babies.

My China journey began when the first of these three adoptive parents contacted Lutheran Social Services of New England to begin the adoption process. I became their social worker and adoption coordinator, as I have been for so many other adoptive families before them. These three adoptions were different, however, because instead of wishing my adoptive families bon voyage, I would travel to China with them and bear witness to the passing of the children into the hands of their new mothers and fathers. Prior to this, the journey to China was a part of the process I had heard of so often, but never experienced or witnessed first-hand.

Our guide, Ma Chenyue (Susan) was waiting for us at the Changsha Airport, holding a sign with my name on it. Our driver took our baggage and as we settled on the mini-bus, which would be our transportation for the next week, Susan gave us an introduction to the city. We were very pleasantly surprised to arrive at the Huitain Hotel. It was wonderful in every way. I must admit that when I learned before traveling that it had a bowling alley, I didn’t expect such luxury. Susan helped us exchange money at the front desk while the bellmen took our bags to our rooms. There was a small crib and baby bathtub in each room. We stayed in the VIP tower and were definitely treated like and felt like VIP’s.

Not long after we were settled, Susan met with us and helped the families prepare for the next day when we would go to the Civil Affairs Office to receive the babies. Monday morning, Susan was waiting in the lobby to escort us to the Civil Affairs Office. There were about 20 babies and their caretakers there when we arrived. They were waiting for their new parents to arrive, while we waited for our babies.

One at a time, the Civil Affairs official in charge orchestrated the process. As it was each baby’s turn to be presented to her new parents, the official took the parent’s travel approval letter which contained a photo of the baby and held it up next to the baby and indicated, that "yes" this is the right baby. She also looked at the parents’ passports and compared those photos to the parents.

We were overwhelmed with a variety of emotions. It was a touching and poignant exchange when the parents received their daughters. The babies reacted, not uncommonly, in different ways. One of our babies reacted with heart-wrenching screams at being taken away from her caretaker. One was quieter and subdued while the third showed no obvious separation issues. She did immediately connect with her new mother and wanted her exclusively.

We couldn’t identify the people who brought the babies, but we speculated about who they might be. We learned that they are not to tell the new parents that they are the foster mothers, so when asked, they denied this role. Even so, a note and photo were later found tucked in the clothing of one of our babies. The photo of the foster mother holding the baby verified her identity as the one who brought the baby. She asked in the note if the new parents could send her photos of the baby. This was a very touching treasure that gives this child a connection to her past.

When we left the Civil Affairs Office, all of us were rather somber after those emotionally packed moments. As we rode on our mini-bus, Susan began reading and translating reports she had been given describing the babies’ diets, routines, etc. We all laughed heartily when the first report stated that one of the baby’s favorite foods is "candy, lots of candy."

We stopped at Baby Bear, a very nice children’s clothing store and then to the grocery store to buy formula and food. In the afternoon, we returned to the Civil Affairs Office where families met with the officials to process the adoption. Already, the babies seemed more comfortable with their new families. It was amazing to see how well they adapted. There were many smiles and laughs, but it was harder at night when sleep didn’t come easily and there was considerable crying. We felt that these babies had been loved and very well cared for by their foster families. None of us lost sight of the trauma of their separation, but we were also aware of the wonderful benefits that they will have from living in a loving foster home.

Changsha, a city with a population of approximately 2 million is the capital of Hunan Province. There is considerable building going on with a mixture of the new with the old. The smog is extensive. Vast numbers of high-rise apartment buildings are evident with the daily laundry hung from each porch or window. A few steps from our beautiful, five star hotel, the sidewalk was erupted as if there had been a recent earthquake.

We thought Susan was being over-protective, as she didn’t want us crossing the street by ourselves. That night, we all crossed to go to dinner with Susan leading the way. I had heard about the traffic, but no description can aptly describe this experience. It is not for the faint-hearted! There in bumper-to-bumper, cruising traffic, Susan said, "Go" and we proceeded, clinging to each other, as we were able. There is no system for pedestrian crossing-no cross walks, traffic lights, etc. As trucks, carts, motor scooters and cars randomly stopped (thankfully), we would weave a little further across the street through the traffic until the next vehicle stopped.

Time after time, I have heard our families rave about Susan. All of the accolades are well deserved. Susan is very knowledgeable, efficient, warm and caring. In addition, she has a nice sense of humor and is fun to be with. She was literally at our "beck and call" taking care of the big things (documents, plane confirmations, etc.) and the small things (where to shop.) She helped one of our mothers mail a package to the foster mother. She arranged for an outside laundry to pick-up and deliver our laundry at a cheaper rate then we would have paid in the hotel.

I have often recommended the book, Kids Like Me in China by Ying Ying Frye, and now it has taken on new meaning. The setting is Changsha and includes a photo of Susan and her family, including Christine Xue, our LSSNE China facilitator.

Shopping is another story. We shopped at two department stores in Changsha, the Friendship Store and Apollo, both run by the government. In the USA, we are lucky if we can find someone to wait on us; there you are accosted by sales clerks who are pleasant, but aggressive and persistent. There is no such thing as "just looking."


On Thursday, we went to visit the orphanage, Changsha No. 1 Social Welfare Institute. This is a new orphanage in a rural area, a considerable distance from Changsha. In November, the infants and toddlers had been moved here from the original Changsha No. 1 Social Welfare Institute, which is in the city and housed both orphaned children and the elderly. In recent years, China has begun allowing families to visit the orphanages. Many new ones are being built and they are proud to show these. This orphanage is new and attractive. There was an attempt to deviate from a high-rise institutional look. Colorful tiles in the images of Mickey Mouse and a Panda are on either side of the entrance. We were taken to a nice conference room with a large table and chairs and invited to sit down. It was freezing in there! The woman in charge made a futile attempt to operate the large heater in the corner. Jennie Liu, the official in charge of international adoption for the Changsha Social Welfare Institute joined us. Susan presented her with two generous checks from Families with Children from China) FCC, which Ms Liu meticulously entered in a logbook. We were shown two rooms, one where toddlers play and another, which was a sleeping room. The toddlers were in walkers commonly seen in photos of China orphanages.

It became clear why the children wear layers and layers of clothes and padded snowsuits, as it was very cold in these rooms as well. We later learned that there is an electricity shortage in China, so that power is routinely shut down in homes in Changsha, and likely other areas.

We formed a fraternity of sorts with other families staying in the hotel. Each morning, we would greet each other at breakfast and ask how their night had been. It is interesting how you can understand the difference between a good night and a tough one even if the family speaks another language. I was struck by the realization that there is a generation of children adopted from China who are growing up all over the world learning their new languages of French, Spanish, English, etc.

We left Changsha early on Sat in light snow and fog. The families were ready to move on to Guangzhou to complete the last steps in the adoption process. I felt a mixture of emotions, sadness surrounding the circumstances that made these children available for adoption and that they were leaving their homeland, and significant happiness for the joy they will bring to their new families and the gift of a better life they will receive in their new homes. Although there were a variety of emotions experienced and expressed, one was universal. We all felt sad to leave Susan behind. She and I felt a special bond in our roles, which joined these new families, me as they began this journey and Susan at its completion. It is amazing how connected we all felt to her after the seven days she had nurtured and looked out for us on this amazing journey.

Our hour-long flight to Guangzhou took two hours due to the weather. We were happy to see Rebecca, our new guide, holding up a sign that read "LSS". There was plenty of paper work and document preparation both in Changsha and Guangzhou. Rebecca, like Susan, was very efficient in making sure everything was in order and escorting us to get the babies’ visa photos, their medical exams and to the US Consulate for the swearing in ceremony and their visas.

The graciousness and hospitality of the Chinese people was one of the highlights of our visit. It was notable to see all of the families with only one child-either a boy or a girl. They obviously adored their child or grandchild and would beam with pleasure as I admired him or her and sometimes asked to take a photo. The people are justifiably very proud of their rich culture and heritage. We visited museums and historical sites where we saw amazing paintings, carvings, and historical artifacts.

Our travel group was a diverse group of 10 plus three babies representing three families. Our families commented many times how fortunate they felt not to be with one of the large traveling groups we observed. We established a strong bond with each other, and already have had a "two-month" reunion. We all agreed that our mission was accomplished and then some. Our trip was perfect in every way and we returned with three beautiful, bright, healthy and charming babies.