Adoption News

CHINA ADOPTIONS

April 17, 2005

Motherhood has been good for Kelly Burns. Since she adopted two daughters from Asia, ages 5 and 1, she has become "more patient" and able to "enjoy things more."

"I'm much more patient than I was in my 20s and 30s," said Burns, senior buyer of electronic components for a military subcontractor in town. "I don't worry if the house is clean or everything is perfect. I'm really enjoying my kids." Burns is one of a growing number of singles who have chosen to form their families through international adoption. The number of adoptions from abroad has more than doubled since 1995 from 9,679 to 21,616 in 2003, according to Adam Pertman of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute in New York. Although statistics for the number of single people adopting were not available, one agency in Connecticut said as many as one-third of its clients were single.International adoption is becoming popular because wait times are often shorter than within the United States, and the costs, while high, often come out the same. Burns, 41, decided to try international adoption seven years ago after reading an article about the plight of orphans in Romania."I was 34 at the time, and I wanted a family," Burns said. "I had just come out of a relationship that didn't work, and this was the right time."

Burns began researching agencies and was steered toward Asia where many orphans, particularly girls, are available to adopt. Although she was anxious to get started, Burns was about $5,000 short of the approximately $20,000 needed for the process.One of my co-workers invited me to go to the casino over Christmas break. She said I seemed really depressed," Burns said. "As I was leaving, I threw some change in a slot machine. The lights started going off and a security guard said 'I think you won $5,000.' I grabbed him by the lapels and said 'Don't think man, be sure.' I started crying and I called the adoption agency the next day."My daughter's name is Meaghan Patricia Mashantucket Pequot Burns," she said with a smile.

Six months after visiting the casino, Burns flew to Saigon, Vietnam, where she met her daughter, who was less than 3 weeks old. Burns said Meaghan was a "tiny, tiny baby, but perfectly healthy." Prospective parents are encouraged to say what they are looking for in children in their applications, including gender and ethnicity preferences, according to Penny Phillips of Lutheran Social Services, the agency Burns used to adopt her second daughter.It's important to understand those issues before you get going," Phillips said. "It's a real educational process for a (prospective parent)."

Burns spent a total of four weeks in Vietnam for the adoption, time that allowed her to absorb some of her daughter's culture. The family still celebrates Vietnamese New Year and other traditions to help Meaghan connect with her roots.About two years ago, Burns decided to adopt again. Meaghan "wanted a sister, and I wanted her to have one. It was important that she be Asian so she could share her race," Burns said. "I'm a single mom and I come from a large family, so I didn't want (Meaghan) to be an only child."

Burns was expecting a long wait, but found an opening in China, where eight percent of adoptions are reserved for singles. Six months after submitting the paperwork, Burns received a referral from the government, documents and information about the girl who would become her second daughter.

I thought I was going to explode" with excitement," Burns said.Burns and Meaghan flew to China for two weeks to finalize the adoption. Although bringing a four-year-old to China was "not easy" at times, Burns said Meaghan's presence helped set Jillian at ease.Jillian bonded immediately with Meaghan," Burns said. "That's what the agency said as well; that when babies see a sibling who looks like them and seems to like this woman who doesn't look like them or smell like them, they seem to realize it's going to be OK." Asian culture continues to play a role in the Burns home. Pictures of Vietnam and China are displayed on the walls, including a portrait of Meaghan wearing an Ao Dai, a traditional Vietnamese dress. Burns also celebrates "Gotcha Days," commemorations of when the girls were officially adopted.

"We'll go to a Vietnamese or Chinese restaurant and I'll give them a gift," Burns said. "Vietnamese food is my favorite." Although both children appear healthy, Dr. Carol Weitzman of Yale University's International Adoption Clinic said adopted children are often at risk for certain health and developmental disorders."Many children reared in orphanages are at risk for developing learning disabilities and children who have been placed in multiple environments are at risk for a lot of mental health problems," said Weitzman. "We review medical records of a child from a referral to look for things like medical or developmental risks. Most of the medical issues are quite treatable, but they need to be looked at." Weitzman said that most adopted children end up doing "very well," but said many will require services and support to help them navigate questions of their identity and background.Parents really benefit when they are mindful" of their children's heritage, Weitzman said. The Yale center runs a 10-week course to help parents incorporate their children's culture into the family.Burns' openness to culture seems to be working. She said Meaghan receives more questions at school about not having a father than why her mother is Caucasian. "I tell them that families are made up all different ways — divorce, remarriage, families with two moms," Burns said. "Meaghan will often say, 'If everybody looked the same, it would be very bo-red.'"

Although she is delighted with her two children, Burns said she is considering adding a son.

If I do it one more time, I would get them a brother, maybe one with a cleft palate or some condition that is correctable," she said."Meaghan would ask me every night for a brother and I told her, 'When you see a minivan in the driveway and an expansion on the house, you'll know you are getting a brother.' A few months later, I got a minivan and she was jumping up and down saying, 'My brother is coming' — she's got a memory like an elephant.I can't imagine life without my girls," she added. "I've never laughed so much in my life."