Adoption News

THE GIFT OF FAMILY

Couple received as much as they've given in four adoptions

By: Nanci G. Hutson, reporter for The News-Times

August 13, 2006

NEW MILFORD, CT -  Wearing his swim trunks and holding a beach towel, 8-year-old Andrew Fitzgerald climbs into his mother's lap for a quick hug before departing with two of his three siblings and friends for a trip to the beach.

The soon-to-be third grader flashes a big grin as he heads for the door, while his mother, Margaret, calls out last-minute orders about sunscreen and swimming rules from the kitchen table.

His father, Mike, gathers beach toys and escorts the entourage, including Andrew's sister, Hanna, 3, to the car.His wife settles for blowing kisses to them as they leave, because two broken feet suffered earlier in the summer have limited her agility, despite recently fitted walking casts.

The cheerful chaos is standard summer fare in the busy, four-child household that the Fitzgeralds consider an incredible blessing because their family did not evolve from birth but through adoption.

"We went through six or seven years of infertility – miscarriages and entopic pregnancies – and came to the realization that what we wanted was a family, not genetic replicas," said Margaret Fitzgerald.

Her husband teaches music lessons and directs the band and orchestra program at Sarah Noble School in New Milford.

"We'd go through the whole infertility thing again if this would be the outcome," Margaret said.

As luck would have it, Margaret was acquainted with someone who knew a pregnant young girl working with Lutheran Social Services of New England in Rocky Hill to arrange for the adoption of her baby.

"I called the social worker who was working with that young girl, and we talked for two hours about adoption," said Margret. "She was so wonderful to talk to that I just knew that was the way to go."

"We're not even Lutheran – the family is Catholic – but we got all four of our kids through them. If it weren't for them, we wouldn't be a family."

"They are an awesome family. They've been a lot of fun to work with," said Darlene Lundy, an LSS adoption specialist."Whatever they have to do, they step up and do it."

Potential adoptive parents have a number of adoption options, Fitzgerald said. The one the Fitzgeralds opted for three of their four children was [domestic] adoption where the birth parents selected the adopted family through a dossier that the adoptive parents provide about who they are and what they have to offer a particular child. The Fitzgeralds still have a copy of the collage of pictures they put together when they were preparing for Andrew's adoption.

Their last was an international adoption: 3-year old Hannah Grace Yu, whom they adopted in March from an orphanage in China. The Fitzgeralds opted for international adoption because it was determined to be quicker then [the domestic] choice, which for them averaged what the agency said typically is about two years.

At their ages, the couple thought a shorter time frame might be more prudent.

From the start of the process until Margaret flew to China with Ben to bring Hannah home, the adoption took 11 months; most international adoptions take between a year and 18 months. The Fitzgeralds said they originally thought about adopting six years earlier, but other family issues at the time caused them to reconsider. Just over a year ago, though, they decided "it was now or never.

"She's a pip. She's such a fun kid. She has a great sense of humor. She is just a Fitzgerald."

As her household starts to fill with children, friends, and two rescue border collies on this particular day, Margaret cannot resist a smile. This is a life she and her husband relish.

"I just love having everyone around. It's always interesting," Mike said as he helps Hannah dress a Barbie doll, assists Andrew in finding his inhaler, pours a soda for his wife, shepherds a guest into the kitchen and corrals the dogs outdoors.

Soon, he is summoning Ben to help find a bathing suit for his little sister and advising Matthew about some gadget that is part of his electronic disc jockey equipment in the basement.

"It's all kids, all the time," Margaret laughs, joking that when she once asked for a break instead she got "two," referring to her broken feet.

As she reflects on their family life, the quick-witted Margaret notes "sometimes it's loud" but it's never dull. The fact their family was assembled in a non-traditional fashion does not make them any less a real family.

"Adoption is different than having biological children, but it is still a great way to become a family," Lundy said, noting there are options for single people, married couples, people who cannot have children or who have already had their own and want to adopt another. "It gives opportunities to children and families that they wouldn't otherwise have."

Always open with their children about their adoptions, including sharing letters and photographs with their birth parents, the Fitzgeralds have stressed to the children that adoption was their birth parents' gift to them. Lundy concurs.

"Without sounding trite, I think it's an incredible gift for an adoptive family to be trusted with the life of a child," said Margaret. "It's the most incredible gift anyone can have.And we've been given that four times."

"We're all unique in our own way, and that's what I think a family should be," Andrew surmised with wisdom beyond his years. "My parents picked me, so that makes me even more special. And that's all that really matters."