VIETNAM - International Adoption

What a journey! Parenthood is like nothing I’ve ever done before. It’s the greatest paradox. Your whole life prepares you for it. And yet, nothing quite does. The adoption trip was the single greatest thrill of my life. I am so glad to know Vietnam, the birth country of my daughter Caroline. I know that the gift of my love for the country and its people has been invaluable to her.

The 20-hour journey home was no less thrilling, if you can believe that. All foreign born adopted children are American citizens as soon as they touch American soil. My husband Frank and I saw that moment as a great turning point in her life. Caroline is often asked where she is from. I say to her,“Would you like to tell them where you were born?” That is something another adopted parent taught me; it is her story to tell, not mine. She always answers.

A few weeks ago we were in the car listening to Vietnamese music. We do not know the language, but we love it, nonetheless. She makes many of the sounds correctly. She said to me, “Mom, you cannot do it because you are not Vietnamese. I am Vietnamese.” While I was tempted to gently reprimand her for being fresh, I did not because I loved how proud she was of her heritage. It has always been my dream that she would feel that way.

This morning, she voiced concern over her looks. I sat her down in front of the mirror and explained that she has been given the gift of physical beauty. I pointed out her Asian features and how they are different from, say, her cousin with Irish ancestors. (She learned the term ancestors early and I refer to her ancestors whenever she asks about her looks.)

At one point she asked whose belly she grew in, and we told her a Vietnamese woman whom we do not know, and that I cannot grow babies in my belly. She often says she will adopt children when she grows up, but I tell her she can adopt or grow them in her belly, or both. She seems to like that answer; she has options.

We were told so many times while in Vietnam that she is a lucky baby, to be given this life with a mother and father, instead of a life in an orphanage. We both feel that we are the lucky ones!

-Cindy Castellone